Why Are There No Clorox Wipes

I'd really like to know.  I'm obsessed with Clorox wipes and Lysol spray.  And for some reason, I'm furious that I can't find any.  None.   My life is spiraling downwards, and there are much bigger problems, I know this.  I have some of those problems!  But all I can think about are Clorox wipes. 

 

Is it because I was in Costco shortly before the big pause and there were TONS of Clorox wipes and my mother told me to only get one because what would we do with all those Clorox wipes?  And now my best friend's mother is desperate for some Clorox wipes, or Lysol spray and there is none to give her?   Is it because even at my age I LISTENED TO HER?  I OBEYED?   

 

Yeah, that's some of it.  But I can only yell "MA DO YOU REMEMBER THAT DAY I WANTED TO BUY MORE CLOROX WIPES AND YOU ASKED WHAT WE WOULD DO WITH THEM??  DO YOU REMEMBER THAT MA??"

 

I mean, I have yelled that at her, many times, but there's only so many times you can scream at an old lady before it gets kind of...well, it's distasteful behavior, let's be honest. 

 

I constantly google "why are Clorox wipes out of stock everywhere?" but no one seems to really be talking about it.  And I think that's because many have food shortages, have lost their incomes, can't get their meds, and to top that off, have developed a suspicious, dry cough.  

 

In the bigger picture of the Trump shit show, Clorox wipes don't matter, they won't change anything.  I know that.  I know I've been driven mad by the plague and the orange man.  At least I have that self-awareness.  When you go crazy, and you will, are you going to know it?  So think about that before you judge. 

 

I mean, some of you still have Make America Great bumper stickers as you drive around wearing masks,  hands raw and bleeding from scrubbing, desperately searching for a roll of fucking toilet paper, so who is really the batshit crazy one, huh?

 

And not a square to spare.  Welcome to Trump: The Greatest Shit Show On Earth.  Ain't we got fun?

 

Speaking of that deranged orange piece of dogshit, Trump is now claiming that he was lied to about the pandemic, and he wishes someone had told him about it.  The WHO, the Chinese, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, someone.  Someone else is responsible:

 

 

 

People knew it was happening and people didn't want to talk about it!  Yes, that was YOU you fucking dilapidated moron!

 

This dude is unbelievable!  And look at him he can barely speak.  Yet he is worshiped.   I honestly always assumed in order to be a cult leader and have a bunch of drooling imbeciles follow you around, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, you had to have something.  Like, good looks?  Sex appeal?  Charisma?   A big dick?  Dude's got a 3 inch mushroom!  

 

No one can explain this, so don't look to me for answers.  I have none. 

 

So, today's Friday, April 17th, in our Year of the Shitlord, 2020.  What am I doing?  Sitting my ass at home just like you.  But...I've signed up for something very exciting!  It's a virtual pub crawl.  And for only 100 dollars they are going to deliver me a couple of appetizers and some drinks from 3 different bars.  And one of them is called "The Painkiller".  I definitely did call to see if they meant Vicodins, because I would have doubled up on that, you know?  Sadly, it's a drink, but it sounds good, and beggars can't be choosers. 

 

And we are all beggars now.  This is America.  Made great again.  Remember when Trump told you you'd get so tired of winning you'd be begging him "please no more I can't take it?"  

 

You didn't take him seriously, did you?  And here we are.  Begging.  Please, no more.  I can't take it.  Please. 

 

Happy Friday!

 


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