Well peeps, we all have family issues. Take me. Both my brothers are Trumpsters. I remember Christmas 2016 I really dreaded seeing them to the point I smoked some weed before arrival. You figure, two Trump voters and a Hillary Clinton stan right? And only two months after the disastrous election. Tensions were running hot. There's a long record in my family of dysfunctional holiday drama, so I went prepared.
What do you think happened? The Trumpsters ended up in a fight with themselves!
I couldn't fucking believe it. Honestly, I still can't. And it was a big one so they didn't speak for the entirety of that maniac's term. But they both kept talking to me, and one of them kept trying to convince me that Trump was a genius. No, I swear to God.
I have a nephew who was counting presents before he could speak. So one Christmas he starts wailing, and no one knew why. But I could tell what he was doing. He was counting his presents and counting his sister's presents and even though the little bastard couldn't talk yet, the fucker could count! And he had calculated, correctly, that he came up short!
That was the year I realized I couldn't do comparable dollar amounts, I had to make sure they each had the exact same number of boxes.
So you can imagine how I have to walk around on eggshells when my own two year old nephew is fucking with me. We're just born this way in my family.
But, it ends up, that ain't nothing compared to Thanksgiving with the Gosars.
Gosar's sister has called him a sociopath, his brother said he's a pathological liar, and his entire family begged people not to vote for him:
Of course, Republican voters took the fact that his entire family are terrified of him as a huge character reference. If only he had raped or beaten a few women, Hope Hicks would date him and the base would nominate him for President.
Gosar came back into the news this week after posting a video depicting him murdering AOC and drawing a sword on President Biden.
Gee, I thought these things were illegal? Why don't you try doing that and see how fast the Secret Service busts down your door, shoots your dog, and takes you into custody?
Obviously, his family knows him best and are right about this head case. But Republican voters love him!
We all stand next to them in 7-11's and Dunkin's and Starbucks all over the country. These sick fucks. That's who you are standing next to while waiting for your coffee.
The Sociopath Next Door, indeed.
With Thanksgiving breathing down our necks, and normal people all over the country dreading dinner with their MAGA families, I suppose we can all agree it could be worse.
One of our MAGA relatives could run for, and win, public office.