general hospital ·

This Week on a Boneless General Hospital

So, General Hospital has an issue.  It's a sexless daytime soap.  Why is no one on this show boning?  I mean other than the chemistry-free Carson taking to the sacred marriage bed last week, both with looks of "ick" on their faces. 

This is a little too much reality for me.  If they are going to do reality tv they need to film the behind the scenes drama, not reenact a long time married couple trying to get it up for each other.

The week started off well enough, with Nicholas Alexander Chavez giving another stunning performance as Spencer confronts his father about trying to kill Hayden Barnes.  

Wow.

So how long do you think we keep this guy?  Hollywood seems deeply stupid, I mean they made a star out of Chris Pratt (my neighbor, Bob the Idiot, is hotter), so maybe longer than we by any rights should have him.

And I can't help it - I LOVE me some Gladys.  Getting sloppy drunk on Brook Lynn's credit card, and making Joey Novak's threats against Carly ( I should get so lucky) all about herself...keep it up Gladys! 

And Tuesday we got the Liesl and Britt scenes, and Britt accidently shoots her mom Liesl with a harpoon.  That was a rip!  Two very talented ladies bringing the dark humor. 

But why the hell is Cam's Drew being so underused????  Come on!  Drew should have been written as faking Peter out by pretending he was under his mind control.  Speaking of which, when the fuck is somebody, anybody, going to put Peter out of our misery?

Why can't it be HOT, shirtless Drew who does the magnificent deed?  Are they afraid someone will want to bone him as a thank you?  We can't have that!  No boning on GH.  

Then we hit mid-week and were treated to Maxi dressed up as a lumberjack for some reason?

 

 

 

 

WTF?  WHY can't this show dress any woman over 95 lbs??   If you can't do that, then you shouldn't have the job.  I swear to God when Detective Chase walked in I thought he was there to question Maxie about her new coworker at the lumberyard, Dexter Morgan.   

Speaking of the hot detective, and boneless GH:

 

 

Chase needs to bone somebody.  I think he and Brook Lynn are both amazingly hot and quite pretty, but he was also licking his lips while talking to Liz, so I am all here for some messy "i'm shagging my brother's gf behind his back" soapy goodness.  Instead I'll probably get another scene of Carly and Sonny slowly and filled with dread (the audience too) making their way up the stairs to "the marital bed".

Speaking of Liz, whose idea was it to have her fluff Carly by telling her that Nina keeping Sonny away from her was wrong and Nina shouldn't "go free".

Who's that talking there?  I know it can't be Liz Webber who famously kept Jason from his family and also screwed him into the ground.  Something Nina refused to do with Smike, though not for lack of trying on his part.

Liz deserves better writing than this people.   This is bullshit.  Liz would never say that shit, and by forcing her to prop Snarly all they did was give Liz-haters ammunition because yeah, that was crazy-hypocritical.  Find someone else to prop Carly's ass.   Sam could have conceivably done this scene, since she was in a situation comparable to Carly's, though Carly brought a lot of this on herself, and Sam didn't...but Sam doesn't need to be propping her ass either. 

I did get one scare this week, but I don't think they did this huge creep-out on purpose.

 

 

For a minute there, I was like WTF! Is Donald Trump's best friend and cohort, Jeffrey Epstein writing this shit?

Honestly, WTF was Friday's show?  What a waste of an hour.  If it weren't for Sprina I would have deleted it unfinished.   But ah, Sprina.  What a pair, how did GH score these two?   Nicholas and Sydney.  Spencer and Trina.  They light up the screen and my biggest fear is that Maurice decides to "mentor" them.  They should be mentoring him!  

I like the actress who plays Esme and she's talented herself, so I don't want her written off, but let's get her away from "Spence".  She'd be put to better use causing trouble for Joss by way of Cam's bed.   I really want to get to the obvious supercouple here; Sprina.  Don't make us wait too long GH, the way you usually do and then end up ruining everything. 

Notes:

-I need more Drew.  

-I need less Carly.

-Only the legend that is Robert Scorpio can even come close to making Olivia tolerable. 

-Bring on Dante and Sam hitting the sheets because this soap needs some non-repulsive sex.  

-Stop using Liz to prop other people.  Especially the already over-propped Snarly. 

-Let's have some movement with Sprina because you have gold there.  

-I don't know why Esme is obsessed with Joss and Cam's sex life, but it's creepy.  

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