The Hamptons Elegy: A Memoir of a Fraud

I never read J.D. Vance's Hillbilly Elegy.  I was never even tempted to read it.  I just don't find Hillbillies so mysterious that I need to read a book about them.  And just look at the title, WTF?  Here is the dictionary definition of elegy:

1. a poem of serious reflection, typically a lament for the dead.

Hillbillies aren't dead, they're running the country and have been for pretty much ever, thanks to our fucked up electoral college.  Why do you think our planet will soon be uninhabitable?

I am so sick and tired of the glorification of the hillbilly, aka "the working class" "the farmers" whatever other shit they pull out of their ass to romanticize these dumbasses. 

What it really means is white people who don't live in NYC or San Francisco and think they're better than those of us who do.

There's not that much that's funny about them, but they are the world's biggest rubes, and that part is funny.  Check this shit out:

Serious question: I have to go to New York soon and I'm trying to figure out where to stay. I have heard it's disgusting and violent there. But is it like Walking Dead Season 1 or Season 4?

— J.D. Vance (@JDVance1) July 11, 2021

Wow, venturing into New York!  You know how we are always wilding here.  How fucking gutsy of this little fop.   So how did Braveheart here fair in the nation's hellhole?

Well, pretty well since he was in SAG FUCKING HARBOR. 

Yeah, the Sag Harbor of The Hamptons, that Sag Harbor.  Oh the famous mean streets of Sag Harbor.  They will cut a bitch for sure there, especially if you ask for three squirts in your morning latte! 

And what was Braveheart doing in the world's roughest neighborhood? 

Why collecting big checks from all the rich folk there. 

"According to Politico, the Hillbilly Elegy author attended a high-powered fundraiser in the Hamptons on Saturday night; guests reportedly included heiress Rebekah Mercer, media magnate Steven Price, Council on Foreign Relations member Heather Higgins, and Loews Corporation CEO Jim Tisch. Prior to the soiree, Vance reportedly paid a visit to former George W. Bush Treasury official Emil Henry at his home in East Hampton."

Oh dear.  Well, I don't remember this season of the Walking Dead.  Maybe it will be in the prequel?

Of course as you probably know, this phony, this fraud, is running for United States Senate in the great state of Ohio.  Ohio what are you thinking, girl?  Come on, you ain't no hillbilly rubes.  Wakey wakey please.

Take a look at his Twitter TL, it's filled with phony bullshit about the "elites".  People, when you are hanging out in Sag Harbor with the Mercers, there ain't nobody, and I mean nobody, who is more elite than you.

So here we have us yet another Republican conman playing to the hillbilly rubes.  Now, the hillbillies are buying what he's selling, cause they always do.  Pay special attention to the shit this fraud says about Kamala.  That's his clever way of letting the hillbillies know not to worry, he's as racist as they are. 

And that's all they really want to hear.  "I'm racist, I also like to keep the bitches in their place, and you've been getting a raw deal from the elites."  

Left unsaid is "the elites like me and my buddies, the Mercers."

From whom they really are getting a raw deal, but realizing that wouldn't give them that good downlow hate-on.  So they're gonna stick with hating POC and the bitches, thank you very much. 

Take a look at this guy's face, his real face:

 Of late though, he's decided to grow full facial hair and cover that shit up.   Not that I blame him, but, you know, Ted Cruz already tried this.  Teddy took a picture with Chris Evans and now thinks he's Captain America.  

So once again, it's left to moi to bring down the cold hammer of truth on these idiots. 

Not everyone who grows facial hair becomes this:

Most of them become this:

Guess which one you resemble Vance?

You're no more a hot guy than you are a regular Joe.  I'm sorry, I guess I am looks-shaming or some such shit.  What, you're perfect?   I don't like guys with faces that look like raw, wet hams, sue me!

Vance is a clammy-looking elite collecting big checks from the top .05555% at private clubs and parties in the Hamptons.

And if he gets into the Senate, that's whose interests he will represent.  And only their interests.  

He may fool the hillbillies, though I don't think he really does, I just think they get hard over who he hates...but he'll never fool me.