It occurred to me the other day that I can't even imagine coupling up at this point. A friend of mine was chatting about a new guy she's dating and how he wants to do everything for her and see her all the time. She's not there though.
I often think that many women feel a driving need to couple during their 20's. And whether that's mostly societal pressure and norms, I don't know. I kind of defied that because when I was in my 20's I would wake up every day believing something wonderful could happen to me that day. And frankly, on a lot of days, something did.
I remember when I started dating a guy and my mom asked me if I was bringing him for Thanksgiving. The question shocked me as if she was from another planet.
BRING HIM FOR THANKSGIVING???
"Well, isn't it normal for your family to meet someone you're dating?" she wanted to know.
I mean, I guess, but I had no intention of bringing this guy around my family. First of all, my brothers are asshats, and also, I had no interest in marriage when I was in my 20's.
I explained to my mother that I tried to imagine getting married but it seemed to me like a big dead end and that nothing fun or exciting would ever happen to me again.
She seriously recommended I see a psychiatrist.
Well, I never did. So ha Ma. Not for that anyway, though two decades later I did enter therapy to deal with guess what?
FAMILY DRAMA. Yes, it was the asshats.
I didn't so-called "settle down" until several months after my 30th Birthday when I fell in love with my boss. And talk about drama, but that's another subject for another blog entry.
Anyway, I did eventually happily couple-up. Well, for a time anyway. But it's very interesting to me that now, at 50, I just can't see myself coupled.
I guess it could happen, but not this summer. I want to be free this summer to just enjoy my life again, hopefully. I don't want a man asking me where I'm going, who's going to be there, how long I'm going to be gone, etc etc.
I feel like this summer needs to be the summer of freedom.
I do realize that 2020 could have had the opposite effect on many, and made them long for a partner. And that makes sense. I get that.
It's just not me. Not right now.
If it happened, I think it would have to be after the summer, and also, it would have to be someone who made me feel amazingly special about them.
So frankly I don't know if it will ever happen again. I'm happy being single. I think a lot of women as they get older, are.
Your mileage may vary, one size does not fit all etc etc.
But I would like to start having sex again. So I will tell you something, about ten years ago I broke free from a bad situation I was in, and I did not want a relationship, I just wanted some sex. But I am not into one night stands either. First of all, one night stands for women can be very dangerous. Let's be real.
Also, it's just not my thing. All I wanted was to meet someone (or two) who I could have sort of a friends-with-benefits thing with.
This doesn't seem hard, right?
I was 100% unsuccessful. 100%.
Everything was a problem. They were looking for a relationship, they just got hurt and didn't want to be hurt again, blah blah blah. I should insert Fiona Apple here. You know what? I will.
I looked really good and felt like I couldn't get laid in a whorehouse...you know the rest. You reach a certain age and men do seem to want relationships. I think it's because they married, and then of course, they divorced, and they couldn't get used to not having a woman around. They do not adjust to it or something. Like, once a man is coupled, he is going to want that gravy train around all the time.
Divorced women I notice often don't feel the same way.
I guess that tells you something, huh?
Anyway, I won't be surprised if the same thing happens to me this summer. I'm trying to date, and they will either want a relationship or assume I want one and not be interested.
I don't hate dating though. You reach a point where you really don't care anymore, so it's much easier. You can become very Jlo about it all, believe me. You don't have to be Jlo to Jlo dating and know there's always another one.
I do mean always. Listen, there's a reason there are huge STD outbreaks in senior citizen homes. So buck up, you got a lotta chances left.