Okay so here's the deal...I am hooked on General Hospital and used to consider it my guilty/embarrassing secret but now I don't give a shit anymore. I want to write about it so I will.
I don't have the history many have. I watched it as a child during the Luke and Laura days, and so to this day I have a huge softy spot for Genie Francis. Not for Tony Geary though, interestingly enough.
But then time marched on and I had a career and I missed the entire 90's and most of the aughts. I began getting back into it sometime around 2010 I guess, through the now-defunct cable station Soapnet. I would have it on in the background in the mornings. By 2013, General Hospital's big 50th anniversary I was hooked, and 2013 was also the year I began working from home, fulfilling a dream. Which honestly turned out to be just as freaking great as I thought it would.
So basically, I never saw Frisco and Felicia, and Laura Wright is the only Carly I know.
Now let's get to this week on General Hospital.
Personally, I like Michael Easton, but I loved his John McBain. Now, I never watched him on OLTL so the only McBain I know is GH McBain and you know what that means - McBAM. God I loved McBain and Sam. Anyway, I've nothing against him and I like Fin well enough, but I just feel like Liz can do better. I would love to see Becky tested with NuDrew Cameron Mathison.
I'm not really that interested in seeing Cam and Kemo tested because Kemo and Billy Miller threw it all down for Dream, and I don't think that can be matched. But I do like her and Dante so let them be...until Lulu comes to and causes drama.
Gladys is such a wonderful idiot, blackmailing Brooklyn with the info that Valentine is not the father of her baby, and settling on...boots. Okay, and a spa day. But girl, you gotta know Brooklyn isn't the boss at Deception so you aren't going to get away with it, but Brooklyn is a Quartermaine so just ask for a fat check. But Gladys does crack me up and honestly, her scenes with James Patrick Stuart in his hospital room were freaking gold.
Speaking of the Q's, can someone please sneak into the writer's room and kill off Olivia? My GOD I cannot stand her. SHUT UP Olivia! Didn't Tracy Q used to call her "that Brooklyn fishwife"? Boy did she nail it.
The best part of General Hospital this week, like most weeks, has been the teen scene. Damn, did they hit the jackpot with Sydney Mikayla, Nicholas Alexander Chavez, William Lipton, Avery Kristen Pohl, and Eden McCoy.
Now, in Eden's case, she is hampered by the material because they insist on making her mini-Carly, and Carly is a loathsome character. I don't need two of these she-beasts screeching at me show.
Anyway, I missed Trina this week, but I loved watching Esme and Cam since I think Cam is gonna get his world rocked by Esme, and not a moment too soon.
Chavez just continues to kill it as grown Spencer and I laughed out loud when he complained that he had scalded himself pulling an expresso at his new job and he refuses to risk further injury! LMAO
Now the A story. Of course the A story always involves Laura Wright's Carly front and center. It's become such an issue that I think about not watching the show anymore, and honestly, if it weren't for some amazing new additions as mentioned above, I might have taken a break from the Carly show.
I never saw any other Carly, and maybe they were different, but Wright plays her with zero nuance, and soley as a screeching, shrill, smug, bully. I lost count of how many Carly smirks I had to sit through this week. So let's tackle the Nixon Falls fallout.
First of all, not telling someone who they are, isn't a crime. Like if I see my neighbor's dumb ass wandering around two towns over and realize she no longer knows her name, and I leave her none the wiser, that's not a crime. It makes me an asshole (well, not really, you don't know my neighbor), but not a criminal.
Oh, do you know what is criminal? Kidnapping old ladies! Which we are all supposed to forget Carly was doing while SMike was trying to bone Nina in Nixon Falls.
This entire storyline is so galling. Michael commits bribery to get Nina arrested and then stands around with two mobsters, Carly and Sonny, whining about justice. I saw a lot of people online claiming it wasn't bribery because Michael gave the donation before asking for the arrest, but first of all, yeah that's still bribery, but also, that's false.
On Tuesday's show, after Nina had been arrested, Michael is talking to the politician he bribed on the phone and clearly states:
"I arranged for the transfer to your campaign fund."
Both the politician and Michael would be arrested by the FBI, this is a federal crime.
When Carly found out that her son had bribed a politician she looked so proud! That's her boy!
Carly then accused Nina of "basically kidnapping" Sonny for nine months. Well, no. First of all it wasn't nine months, it was six. Nina did not cause this, Sonny did, in the commission of a felony. He fell off a bridge while pointing a gun at someone else, and when he awoke, he had amnesia. So Michael, poor Donna and Avery were always going to be confused over dead-Sonny coming back to life. They were always going to ask if dead-Donny came back to life can't dead-Grandpa do the same? Nothing Nina did or did not do could ever have changed this. It was fated to be the moment Sonny chose to pick up a gun and chase Julian onto a bridge.
And btw just how stupid are these fucking kids?
Anyway, the writing isn't even lucid, they invented a crime, they rewrote how Sonny got amnesia and how long he even knew Nina, they rewrote that Smike insisted he did not want to know who he used to be, they are pretending that walking into a bar and seeing someone working there and not telling them their name could be called kidnapping...it's all such bullshit.
But watching Nina give Carly the business on Friday did make me laugh, especially the way she said "Sonny was happy in Nixon Falls...even a little happier than he is here".
The best though was when Cyrus called Sonny collect, and Sonny took the call and then whined about paying for it. I loved the entire conversation.
Jeff Kober played Rack on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and there is this scene where he creepily tells Willow that she tastes like Strawberries after he sucks in her magic aura.
So when Sonny demanded Cyrus "say something worth hearing or I'm hanging up"
In my head Cyrus responded as Rack with "you taste like strawberries".
And when Sonny yelled "why the hell would I visit you" I imagined Cyrus answered "I have Nina's panties and they're like strawberries."
I mean, it was just a fun scene. I do wish they would hurry up and get someplace with Sonny and Nina. I don't know if Carson once had chemistry but I know they have zero now, and I'm just so tired of this stale couple. Let's get to it and shake shit up writers.
-I lost interest in the Greece story line as soon as they removed Anna/Valentine, and Sam/Dante, and replaced them with Jason and Britt.
-OMG Why is Blando back?
-I'm tired of listening to Sean the hitman whine about Justice for Hayden. Nobody cares! You shot the wrong person that doesn't make you a social justice warrior. It makes you a bad hitman. But you're still a hitman! Leave it to Sonny to hire the hitman who couldn't shoot straight to do his dirty work.
-I need more scenes of Charlotte eating sugary cereal.
-I'm finally starting to get interested in Austin.
-Next week I need more shirtless NuDrew please.