I usually just call them the "Marxist douche" but I like to keep my blog titles (if not my blog posts) clean.
Is there anything more obnoxious than a Marxist douchebag? I have some experience with this species, trust me.
Here is one out in its natural habitat; correcting women on Twitter:
Tipping is a proliferation of slavery and should be a banned practice so people can actually be paid proper wages. Maybe the fact you’re considering dumping a guy over it, you should be the one looking at yourself in the mirror.— JB Posits (@ResistanceRages) November 5, 2021
A real fighter for the working stiff right? He's so sympathetic to the working class that until they are paid better he will refuse to tip them, on principal. Oh, how they must be clamoring to wait on his table when they see him coming, copy of Das Kapital in hand. The one with the suspicious stains on its pages.
Can you imagine dating this guy? Well, I can. After I broke up with my Marxist douche it took me two years to pay off all the shit he charged on my Amazon account. Yes, that Amazon, the one headed by Dr. Evil himself, Jeff Bezos.
Oh, don't worry, he still ranted about Bezos while clicking "add to cart".
Of course you can tell this guy never worked in a restaurant or bar, but isn't that who they all are? Pontificating about the struggles of the working poor, hoping it will get them laid. If it doesn't work they go home and rage jerk to pictures of Bernie Sanders. If it does work and they do get laid, as soon as they are finished they start sobbing and screaming for their mommy.
Oh, they have the issues alright. Steer the fuck clear ladies.
Now, of course this brings up another interesting point; tipping on dates.
Do you watch what the guy tips?
First we have to assume he is paying so I will tell you my own personal policy. When a man asks me out to dinner I expect him to pay. I can pay, so I am never nervous regardless of how expensive a place he takes me, but first date, he asked, he pays.
And I don't offer to leave the tip because I consider that so small. Last week a man I met took me out to a really beautiful restaurant, and we had an expensive dinner, including cocktails and a bottle of wine. I like to drink what can I tell you? My brother recently went back to smoking after almost 20 years. I was so upset. But I get it. Look, once you hit middle-age you need something to help you cope, but at this point, after the hell, and quitting smoking was years of on and off hell, I would become an alcoholic before I'd go back. I figure alcohol would take longer to kill me at this point, and frankly, I would likely die of something else first. I'm not an alcoholic, but if it comes to it, I'd rather develop a dependency there than on the cancer sticks again.
Anyway, it had to cost him at least $200.00, without question. Likely more, he likes to drink himself. So I am going to say "oh let me leave the tip"? Isn't that kind of insulting? A way for me to feel we went Dutch or at least I did my part, while he is paying for the overwhelming majority of an expensive date?
Nah. I almost feel like it's insulting, that's what I mean by small. If I want to see the guy again, I will usually mention I would like to take him to my favorite restaurant, and then that evening I will pay. If the man makes a lot more money than you do then wait a while until you are comfortable and offer to cook him dinner at your place.
So let's say you are on that first date, he asked, and he's paying. Do you try and see how much he tipped?
Honestly, I do try but I find it nearly impossible. I was unable to see how much my last date tipped, I couldn't even get a quick glance. Is it because my eyesight has gone or was he shielding the cost of the meal? If so was he trying to hide the tip, or just being a gentleman not wanting me to see how much it was?
I feel like the answer to the above is the same as the answer to "why did the man cross the road?"
Who the fuck knows!? Why do they do anything?
And yet, it's really important. It tells you a lot about a person. What if he tips 5%? I mean that's a deal breaker. I tip 20%, often more, but 15% isn't a deal breaker. Anything less is.
It's just one more thing women have to worry about in between fending off wandering fingers between our legs and trying not to get murdered by a jerkoff with mommy issues.
After reading the woman's original tweet, the one the "well, actually" asshole responded to, I really have to figure out a better way to see though. I don't want to be on like the fifth date with some guy, maybe having already banged him, and find out he tips 5% and compares being a restaurant worker to being a slave.
Or maybe there is an easier way around this.
Maybe sometime during dinner chat I should ask; "So, have you read Das Kapital?"
Or, I could just cut to the chase.
"Bernie Sanders. Thoughts?"
We all know though if you give a Berner the opening to talk about their sad obsession with a dandruff-covered peepaw, you will end up trying to kill yourself with the butter knife just to make it stop.
Maybe it's time for me to just be honest. This is a really radical concept for me when it comes to men.
"Tipping restaurant waitstaff, what do you feel is appropriate?"
Fuck it, I'm gonna get radical and ask a man an honest question. I sure hope I don't get murdered.