On Men and Everything

Why men, why?

So, yesterday, I was halfway through my morning walk, which I take through my apartment complex.  It's a nice complex, but I basically just lap the lot right by my particular building.  Each lap is almost exactly 1/4 of a mile, so it's a lot like the track I used to run at.   I take water breaks in my car, and check my emails at the same time, so it's really a perfect set up to get in 5 or 6 miles a day. 

It's really helped keep me sane through the pandemic, especially during the original lockdown.  I'm in NY so we were really locked down here.  It also helped keep me from believing I had the virus, because sometimes, during the really bad time, I would start thinking I couldn't breathe.  But my long, fast walks made that seem ridiculous. 

Look, I was a hypochondriac long before the coronavirus.  It didn't drive me crazy, I was already there, it just gave me more possible symptoms to obsess over.  What, you're so perfect?

Anyway, so, I get out of my car after one of my water breaks, and this big truck is turning the corner of the parking lot, and his window is rolled down and he's gesturing at me and chuckling.

And I mean, you could really tell he was working at making it a chuckle. So right away, i'm annoyed.  He wants to talk to me.  My AirPods are in, so I remove one.

"They're killing me," I hear him say to me while gesturing towards my car.

So I think he may be talking about my magnets, which are about the fucking moron currently in the WH.

"What is? These?" I ask, pointing vaguely towards the bumper.

"No those, those things," he says.  "I can't turn, they get in the way."

I realize he's talking about my bike rack, but, he can't find the words to explain he's talking about the bike rack.  Which by the way, would be, "your bike rack".  I've attached a picture of a bike rack to this article for reference purposes.  You're welcome.

I can't fucking believe he stopped me for this shit.

"Oh, sorry," I say as I begin to walk off.

"No, no, it's not your fault, I'm just being friendly."

Oh, you're just being friendly!  By telling me my bike rack, which you are unable to verbally identify, is killing you!

Well! I'm looking for a new friend!  How about I jump in the passenger seat and ride with you today?  

I know, you think I'm being mean right?  Well, firstly, I am mean.  I really don't like to be bothered by strangers on the street.  I'm funny that way.  And after years of trying to navigate that shit, I'm just mean.  I walked away from him.  No chuckles, no reassuring words to make him feel like a winner.  My ear bud was back in before he finished his sentence, and I was moving again. 

Also, trying to meet someone by criticizing their shit is negging, and don't think I don't know that.  

Lastly, can you please just save it?  If I want to talk to you, I'll find a way to let you know.  Probably by looking at you and saying "Hello!"

I promise you, I will never come up to you and start complaining about your bike rack though. 


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