It's Just My 19th Nervous Breakdown

So, I had these little bumps on my forehead that have been driving me crazy.  I went to my doctor who also does cosmetic stuff to have them removed.  I ended up having my face basically resurfaced.  What does having your face resurfaced mean?

Well, they basically burn your face off.  So, unpleasant.  But nothing new to me since I've had IPL at the spa that does my Botox.  Yes, I get a bit of Botox, and I am going to do a blog about different treatments at some point.  

I do have a history of skin cancer, but it's always been Basal cell carcinoma, which doesn't kill you and, as long as you deal with it, won't even disfigure you at all.  

So when my doctor mentioned he didn't like the looks of something near my hairline, and wanted to biopsy it, I shrugged.  Until Sunday morning when I saw an email that I had an appointment in his office at 8am on Monday.  An appointment I didn't make. 

I immediately assumed I probably have melanoma and that, since it was near my head, it had probably spread to my brain.

This has been another in a long line of fake cancer scares for me.  I do this to myself.  Usually not without any reason though.  Like, once my OBGYN saw a cyst on my ovary, and she actually told me it looked like cancer.  Then I went to a specialist and she told me, it looked like cancer.

So yeah, I did think I had ovarian cancer after two doctors told me they thought I had ovarian cancer.  That was the first in a line of doctors who sometimes think I have cancer because I get things that look like cancer.

It's not their fault.  It's basically my body's sense of humor.  All at my expense.  This is one of several reasons I have a love/hate relationship with my body.

Anyway, it ended up they made the appointment because he wanted to make sure my face was healing well from last week's procedure and also, the biopsy was benign.

I would have known I had a follow-up appointment if I, much like a normal person, had stopped at the front desk on my way out after the procedure last week.  But I was shaky from having my face burned off and went straight to my car.

In other words, I created this entire crisis and then involved everyone else in it.

I really have to quit my e-cig habit because these cancer scares are starting to get to me.  Will I still figure out a way to think I have cancer?  Of course.  And someday, I, like millions of other people who are lucky enough to age, probably will have cancer.

But today's not that day so I am back to nerving myself up over more mundane matters like my taxes, orders I have to get right, and just my general anxiety.

Anxiety is a bitch, but when I take Xanax I get that thing where your body is paralyzed but your mind is awake and you can't move?  Have you ever had that?  I have had that for years, but it happens very rarely.  Except when I take Xanax. 

So this is me, on anxiety.  What are you going to do really?  I'm used to anxiety and at least now I can go back to thinking about how great my skin is going to look next week after this all heals.   My brain will never heal though.  The anxiety is here to stay. 

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