So, the big Bennifer redux 2021 has made a lot of people wonder if they should ring up that ex, the one who got away. Or you threw away. Or whatever.
I have seen a lot of articles and even tweets speculating that Covid made us all crave the comfort of the familiar. I can see that. I guess it makes sense.
So I was inspired to go through my exes, and, one by one, think about wanting them back.
The whole frigging exercise made me sad because I can't imagine wanting one of them now.
Here is a picture of me with a man I would call one of the loves of my life. He was my boss when we fell in love in the late 90's/early aughts, and I happen to know this is simply not done anymore. I know this because when I've mentioned it online people have shrieked at me.
He was older than me, and in a position of power over me, however, this was fully consensual. But I was told that when a man has a position of power over you at work it can never be fully consensual. Okay. I get the slippery slope there, so I will accept that. Except that in my case, it was.
So then I was told that it doesn't matter if it was consensual, the fact that he was an executive meant I would receive favorable treatment and others would suffer as a result. That one gave me pause, and yeah, I fully accept that. So I get why it's no longer done, but this was then and I did it. I can't say I would or wouldn't do it today because I am self-employed and the idea of a male superior is hilarious to me at this point in my life. I have a sneaking suspicion I'd still do it. Okay, I'd still do it.
But I get why it's wrong and looked at as unacceptable by corporate America today. People are still doing it of course.
Anyway, I still had my daddy issues back then, which I've fully worked through now and that's the facts. I no longer go for older men. At my age it's a good thing too.
So here is a picture of us sometime during our decade together:
Disgustingly, I'm holding a cigarette, which I quit long ago. Even though Jim was 18 years older than me, as you can probably see here, he was in amazing shape. Don't forget this was the 90's, when greasy, flaccid-armed men were considered hot. Think "Reality Bites" and it sure did. This was way before Chris Evans and Captain America brought the sexy back. So Jim had a way better body than most men my age. But regardless of all that, I did fall in love with him. That's why I spent 10 years with him. I would say at least 6 of them were really good.
We truly had irreconcilable differences as I grew and changed a lot during that decade. He seemed to change in the opposite direction.
Somehow we ended up, way back in the early aughts, as a couple who, had we stayed together, over a decade later would have divorced over the 2016 election.
I left him for a college professor. Whom I later dumped when he joined the Bernie cult and blew up my phone constantly texting me unhinged crazy shit about Hillary. I mean, I coulda stayed with Jim if I wanted that, he had a much better body.
Going back further, my first love was a mechanic, and for years the smell of oil would arouse me. When I think about it, I think we had the same politics but he was an asshat and I wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole today.
Most recently was the hot blacksmith. Whom I could have back in the 5 hours it would take him to drive here if I texted him. But I don't want him.
And of course, a few in between. None of whom arouse the slightest interest in me.
I just don't have a Ben Affleck or a Jlo in my past. No unfinished business. No great love that didn't fizzle out all on its own.
All I have of the past are stories never told. Places I zigged and now wonder what would have happened had I zagged?
And the future. This afternoon. Tomorrow.
And I've always been the kind who thinks something amazing can happen later today.
I personally think looking back is overrated. I think when you're done, you should be done. Sure, once in a while a Bennifer happens, though we don't know how that's going to end, do we? I hope they get married and live happily ever after. I think it's a great story. But we don't know.
And for the most part, I think looking back drags you down. Prevents you from walking through the next door which you may not even notice has opened because you are so busy longing for the one that just closed.
Always forward. For me at any rate.