Yesterday was Jlo's 52nd birthday and she chose the day to go Instagram official with Ben Affleck.
And also to show us this:
Damn. That's what 52 looks like!
Nah, it's not, but it is what Jlo at 52 looks like, and I tip my hat to her. You do not need to look like this. Jlo's job is to look like this, and she employs many personal trainers and dieticians and what not to keep it. In a way it's like you having to complete constant certifications for your job, which is not uncommon. So I want to get that part out of the way. This is not about you feeling bad about yourself. You can celebrate another woman without that sexist shit weighing you down.
You know, I can't help remembering when Jlo's ass was considered HUGE. I mean, HUGE. This was in the anorexia-worshipping days of Ally McBeal. Back in the late-90's early-aughts, when men were supposed to have flaccid arms, greasy hair, and women were never supposed to show any signs of having tits and ass.
And you look at her now, her body is to my eye, ideal. Just slamming. And her ass is in no way huge. So we've seen a real cultural shift, and I like it. I don't know that her body's anymore attainable than Ally McBeal's, but I really hated the women need to starve themselves years. I always felt as if we were supposed to be taking up as little space as possible. Not to mention being as physically weak as possible.
Jlo does not look weak to me.
Anyway, Bennifer 2.0 gifted us this weekend with the new yacht shots, so let's take a look at a famous shot from Jenny on the Block that they were recreating:
And here is their 2021 version from this past weekend:
These new pictures really pissed so many people off. And a lot of them were women. I want to show you a few comments, this first one is straight-up unhinged:
"She is tedious and sad. "Ooh, I'm Jenny Needs A Cock!"
That two-piece suit is beyond sad, and the fact that an alleged 52 YO needs to take selfies of her tarted up, tuned up, man hungry, cheap ass bikini wearing self... there are no words. Other than:
"Ooh, I'm Jenny Suck A Cock!""
And here is the link to that comment over on Dlisted, in case you think I'm making it up, which honestly, I couldn't. That entire comment section is filled with misogyny.
But on that site, this is no surprise.
This site here though, is supposedly filled with feminists:
"He’s not an idiot. He has to know how sad, pathetic, and cringeworthy this is. His kids have to be so embarrassed. This kind of earnestness also messes with the cool, disaffected, intellectual persona he crafted for himself back when. He definitely fancies himself the alpha in his relationships, so we’ll see how long he tolerates this. My guess is not long enough to make a red carpet appearance. This is a summer fling for him."
This is Celebitchy and here's the link.
There are a few big themes that have been happening in the comment section over there. This first one is that Ben is desperately trying to figure out how to get out of this.
These women are highly invested in believing that he was dragged into this relationship, is panicking, and trying to figure a way out.
A lot of this has to do with Jlo's age. No 50 year old woman can be an object of intense desire and passionate love.
The other big theme is that Jlo should be home with her kids. WTF???
First of all, there have been plenty of shots taken showing that she is mostly with her kids, and sometimes Ben is with her kids. Why can't their father watch them on her birthday weekend? Once a woman becomes a mother she isn't permitted to go away for her birthday and have a good time? Or go away for any reason?
The kids have a damn father, and he appears to be a good, involved one. So what is the issue here?
This is such bullshit honestly.
I was having lunch with a friend the other day and she was looking at these pictures on her phone. She was cluk-cluking.
"I don't think they go together," she explained.
I asked why. She really couldn't answer.
I told her that I've seen a lot of women shame Jlo for not being home with her kids.
"That's what I was thinking!" she exclaimed as if this was a good thought.
Then she told me she thinks it's all an act. Another big theme you will see in these comment sections.
I said, no it's not an act. They are together, they are banging their brains out and having really amazing hot sex.
"Are you jealous because you're not?" I asked.
She said yes!
Well, at least she admitted it.
You might think I'm only criticizing women about this, why don't I mention the men?
Well, because I don't know what men think about it. How would I know? I don't read men. I certainly don't ask them what the fuck they think about this or anything. Men's thoughts are a mystery to me and I work hard to keep it that way. Anytime I found out what a man was thinking it didn't work out well. For them, or for me.
I personally think there's no more overrated natural resource than men's thoughts.
I'm sure some of the commenters on Dlisted are men. I doubt they are on Celebitchy because only a very few men post there, and they mostly post about politics. But I rarely read Dlisted and certainly didn't go thru all the comments on the Bennifer post I linked.
So what I'm exposed to is mostly women and they really have issues with Jlo, with Ben Affleck, and with Bennifer. I don't know if this is about Jennifer Garner or what. But I really think so many of these comments are tapping into deeply ingrained misogyny.
If you're divorced and you want to stay home with your kids, you should do that! I certainly would not criticize you for it. When my own mom divorced my father I got her a framed personalized newspaper announcement that read:
(insert mom's name here) DIVORCED!
MALE POPULATION CHEERS!
And my mom went out a lot, though she was also home a lot. She always cooked dinner for us during the week, after coming home from work. And I remember I used to whine and complain if she called me from work to remind me to take a pot roast out of the freezer. Forget about it if she asked me to preheat the oven and put the chicken in it!
But did I eat the dinner? You bet I did! I could claim sexism and wonder why my brother never had to put the chicken in the oven, but he always had to mow the lawn and you can be damn sure I would not be caught dead with that lawnmower.
Can you believe this shit? What an ungrateful ahole I was. If I was my own daughter some lessons would have been taught, believe me. Think about how ungrateful I was and my mother was supposed to give up her whole life so she could stay home with me around the clock?
Fuck that. And not to mention, no teenager wants any parent around that much, okay?
If you are feeling a little, or a lot, wistful when you see these pictures, or they incite some form of fear of missing out (FOMO) in you, then consider Jlo an inspiration, and make some changes in your life.
But stop coming onto the internet and writing this absolute bullshit. It's really pissing me off.