Boy do all The President's Men have amnesia now. Mark Esper, the Secretary of Defense, came up with one hell of a beaut, claiming he thought Trump was taking him on a toilet tour.
You heard me. Mark Esper is crying to reporters that he coulda sworn Trump was taking him to look at a "vandalized bathroom". "I didn't know where I was going," Esper said.
He certainly didn't suspect for one minute that Trump and Barr were tear gassing and shooting (rubber bullets) peaceful protesters and priests! He was just there about the toilet!
It wasn't me! I didn't even know where we were going! Where am I? Who am I? Do you know me?
Here we have Barr planting a story in the New York Times, pointing his finger at Pence. "Pence did it! It wasn't me!"
There was a heated meeting yesterday morning about whether to invoke the Insurrection Act. Barr opposed it, Pence favored it. https://t.co/VGaeMPU8m1— Maggie Haberman (@maggieNYT) June 3, 2020
They were all running to their favorite reporters yesterday, planting stories against each other.
Look at this particularly interesting one:
Going to the church was Trump’s idea. But Trump family members Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner plus close aides Hope Hicks, and Mark Meadows helped Trump put the idea into action, senior WH officials tell CNN.— Jim Acosta (@Acosta) June 3, 2020
That one really raised my eyebrow. Someone's looking to put the hit on Javanka AND Hope Hicks. Now, let me think, who has shown utter contempt for Hope Hicks, and really hates "Javanka"? I smell that meth-riddled Steve Bannon ass from here.
Here are our brave Republican Senators...running from the cameras while mumbling "It wasn't me!" "I didn't see anything!" "Ask HIM! He knew!"
Wow. This clip of MSNBC asking GOP senators if what the president did last night clearing the protestors was appropriate is something else. pic.twitter.com/TSBW82C4rb— andrew kaczynski🤔 (@KFILE) June 3, 2020
So, nobody wants credit for Trump's triumphant Monday when he tear gassed peaceful protesters...oh and some priests. All so he could waddle across the street to a church he's too scared to enter and hold a bible upside down and backwards for pictures.
What these pictures were supposed to accomplish I don't know.
"Oh here's the President of the United States holding a bible upside down and backwards looking like he's shooting a poster for incel awareness. And over there are some priests choking and spitting up on the tear gas he sprayed them with."
Awesome! Well, we'll want to broadcast that around the world post hasty!
The genius! Brilliantao! Who was the mastermind behind this?
Bannon says it was Ivanka and Hope Hicks! Or perhaps, Steve Miller planted that after getting off his walkie-talkie with Bannon. But when you smell this kind of targeted hit, you are smelling Bannon's ass, somewhere.
The best remains Mark Esper though. This is a West Point graduate and the best excuse he could come up with was he thought he was being taken on Trump's famous damaged toilet tour.
"Excuse me, is this the line for Trump's Toilet Tour?"
"Yeah man, but do you have your ticket?"
"Nobody gave me a ticket, can't I get a ticket on this line?"
"No man, no way, you gotta wait on that line over there, see, by the booth? It says "Trump's Toilet Tour Tickets here"?"
"Oh shit, okay, I see it now, yeah. So I gotta wait in that line, and then I can come here and wait in this line, and then I'll get to see the damaged toilets?"
"Yeah, yeah, that's right."
Man, just Dump Trump already!